Out of the Mouths of Babes

reposted from joliblog.org

A little over a year ago, I got a fabulous idea from a magazine to keep a record of the funny things my children say over the years.  You know how their little brains so innocently come up with the most hilarious things you’ve ever heard in your life?  Well, why not keep a record of that stuff?  Just imagine how much they will appreciate it when they’re older!

So I went to Target and got plain 6x8 notebooks and wrote “The Funny Things You Say” on the front with a Sharpie.  I have one for each of my children, and I keep them in a corner on my kitchen counter with an ink pen stuck in the spiral binding.  Easy peazey. 

My 4 ½ year old, the Bug, has given me plenty of material for the notebook, while my 1 ½ year old, Tootsie, has yet to begin hers.  (I cannot wait to see what she offers up!)

There are way too many entries to include them all, but I will give you some of my favorites.  I guarantee at least one chuckle out of this.

Proverbs 17:22  says “A cheerful heart is good medicine…” (NIV)  I hope this gives you a sufficient “dose” for the day.

• Handy Daddy asked the Bug to brush his hair, and she said, “Daddy doesn’t have hair – he has head.”  (age 3)
• “Jesus lives in my heart and Mommy’s heart and Daddy’s heart, and Baby Jesus lives in Tootsie’s heart.” (Bug - age 3 ½; Tootsie - age 6 mos.)
• When the Bug wanted to go barefoot, she said, “I want to wear my toes.” (age 3 ½)
• She was running in the driveway and fell.  I picked her up as she cried and asked her, “What hurts?”  She screamed, “This WHOLE BODY hurts!” (almost 4 years old)
• We were playing outside and I said, “Mmmmm, I smell bar-be-que.”  She said, “You smell Barbie poo?” (almost 4 years old)
• She was looking at a lime in a picture book and asked what it was.  When I told her, she said, “Oh -- Jesus turned water into lime.”  (almost 4 years old)
• We were playing pretend.  The Bug was the mama and Handy Daddy and I were the kids.  She told us our daddy was at work and that she works with him when we’re at school.  We asked what kind of work she does.  She said, “I do taxes…and staple papers…and cut papers….and sleep.”  (age 4)
• We were playing outside and Tootsie picked up a leaf and put it in her mouth.  The Bug said, “Look, Mama, she thinks she’s an herbivore.” (age 4)
• She told me that she saw an old classmate of hers, who told her “hi.”  I asked if she told him hello, and she said, “No, I just turned around.”  I explained that it was rude, and she might have hurts his feelings.  She said, “You and Daddy hurt my feelings all the time.”  I said, “When do we hurt your feelings?”  She said, “When I’m being foolish.” (age 4)
• We were playing “I Spy” at bath time.  The Bug said, “I spy something white.”  I asked if it was the washcloth.  She said, “No.  I spy something white, and you wipe your butt with it.” (age 4)

• The Bug was pretending to be Snow White and wanted me to be a dwarf.  I told her I was a girl – not a boy.  She wanted me to pretend to be a boy.  I told her I didn’t know how to pretend to be a boy.  She said, “Just pretend your panties are underwear.” (age 4)
• The Bug was playing a game with her pillow on the floor.  She was running and jumping over it, and Tootsie kept going to lay on the pillow, which messed up the Bug’s little game.  The Bug decided to make a sign, and had me spell out “Don’t lay.”  She put it next to the pillow but, of course, it had no effect on Tootsie.  When Handy Daddy got home, he noticed the sign and said, “Don’t lay??”  The Bug said, “Yeah, but Tootsie thinks it says ‘Do lay.” (age 4)
• About 10 days after her tonsillectomy, the Bug was sitting in bed screaming “OOOWWWW!” over and over.  I told her that if her throat hurt that much, she wouldn’t be screaming at the top of her lungs.  She said, “I’m not screaming at the top of my lungs – I’m screaming at the top of my mouth!” (age 4 ½)

Is that medicine working yet?  Well, I hope it is.  But if not, maybe this will do the trick.

Like I said before, Tootsie has yet to begin her notebook, because she just started talking a few months ago.  We’re getting one…two….three words at the most right now.  So, I don’t have any funny stories to tell about things she’s said.   But we all know when babies start talking, some of their words don’t quite sound the way they’re supposed to.

She has two of these pronunciation malfunctions that are quite funny.  One of them, her word for “Rachel” (her aunt), is so vulgar I cannot mention it here.  The other is her favorite fruit. 

I give you this, not only to entertain you, but in hopes that the strawberry farmers of America will notice it and want to use her for their advertisements. 

“Got boobies?”

You never know.  It could help put her through college.

Fingers crossed…