There's No Place Like Home

Okay, first of all, I forgot all about my post on Casey Anthony, so when I pulled up my blog and caught sight of the photo of her and O.J., I got a little nervous.  Then I remembered....and it was all good.

Second of all, we are home.

I know you didn't even know we were gone, because I didn't tell you, because I knew y'all might want to come rob my house and steal the big screen TV we scored (for an undetermined amount) at the garage/estate/moving sale down the street.  It was an undetermined amount because we offered them $75 for the TV, Sony keyboard and stand, telescope, cedar chifferobe and boom box.  See, y'all could've got all that and wiped us out.  So I didn't tell you we were leaving.

But now we're back.

As we drove into the drive yesterday evening, I vowed to remind myself how I was feeling right then and there, next time I want to take children on a long car ride.

Y'all....

Some friends of ours offered us a free place to stay in Disney if we went with them, and I declined because of the 12 hour car ride.  That was a smart move.

Thinking I could handle a 6 hour car ride to Destin -- dumb move.  Oh, and then there was the equally hellish 6 hour ride back.

On the way down there, I was sure Tootsie would sleep part of the way.  I am a seasoned Mama by now.  I planned the trip during nap time.  Well the child fought it tooth and nail, and when she finally nodded off, Handy Daddy had to stop to pee.  So we enjoyed that 10 minute nap of hers while it lasted.

On the way back home, she was exhausted because she decided to awaken at 4 am and not go back to sleep.  She was asleep before we got out of Destin.  We enjoyed about 20 minutes and then the Bug had to stop to pee.  So, Tootsie was up an' at 'em again, crying because she was so tired and too uncomfortable in the carseat to sleep.  We endured several hours of this when she finally went back to sleep.  The very minute she nodded off, the Bug said she needed to pee.  I turned around and gave her the look of death and she dared not ask again.  That nap lasted until we hit bumper-to-bumper traffic in Baton Rouge.

I'm telling you, those two car rides were nearly enough to do me in for good.  What I experienced during those trips could only be described as the seventh layer of hell. 

I don't understand what it is about a long car ride that turns my sweet little cherubs into instruments of torture, but I don't plan to volunteer for this madness again anytime soon.

I managed to hold it together for the first 4 1/2 hours but, at that point, I snapped and lost any semblance of sanity and turned into them.  There was a specific moment when it happened, too, for Handy Daddy noticed it, glanced over at me, and began to intervene with pleas to the children to sing happy songs to pass the time.

Isn't it funny how when Mama snaps, Daddy takes over -- and vice versa?  It's like we know that one of us has to remain calm in order to preserve the human race.  Let's face it -- parents invented "good cop, bad cop."  But we weren't doing it to manipulate -- no, rather, to save the children's lives.  It's obviously vital to perpetuating the species.

Don't get me wrong -- the entire vacation was not horrible.

We actually stayed in a fabulous condo for an unbeatable price (you can't beat free).  The beach and the water were gorgeous.  We made some memories.

The Bug enjoyed the beach thoroughly, and even made a friend one day (though they never exchanged names--rude). 

However, Tootsie was not a fan.  The first day, she didn't love the beach.

 The second day, she was angry with the beach.

This is her, pouting and refusing to join us.

The third day, she loathed the beach.  (No pictures here, as I didn't care to capture the crying and screaming...some things are best forgotten.)

Her objection was mainly to the sand.  She requested that it stay off of her, which was impossible to accommodate.

The Bug had no qualms with the sand, as evidenced here.

It rained on the fourth and fifth days, so we didn't venture out to the beach, much to Tootsie's delight.  She did, however, love the pool.  She floated around on her little floaties and kicked her little legs.  She tried to make friends.  She proudly proclaimed her name and age and that she was the Bug's sister to anyone who glanced her way.

We went to the Gulfarium and saw a pretty cool dolphin show. 

This is him doing the "moonwalk".  I can't for the life of me remember his name -- rude.

Tootsie fed a Macaw named "Charlie," who also perched himself on my shoulder for this photo op.  Don't worry -- she was not afraid of the Macaw.  She just didn't want me "handling" her.  She is 2, after all.

So besides the trips there and back, Tootsie's aversion to the sand, and being awakened on the first night by Handy Daddy's vomiting and Tootsie's bad dream and related maniacal screaming (oh, did I forget to mention that), it was an enjoyable vacation.

We arrived home, thoroughly exhausted and more than a little grumpy, bathed everyone and collapsed into our pillows. 

I awoke feeling the same as I did when I hit the pillow the night before, since the girls decided to wake up before 7 am.  I mean, really????

I huffed and puffed and grumped my way through preparing breakfast and insisting they eat what I prepared and insisting they drink from the cup I picked and insisting that they stop whining about the meal and the cup and don't they know I'm tired and I have to take their car seats apart and wash them because they're disgusting now because they acted like animals in the car and...

...and Tootsie comes walking in like this and I succumb to the belly laughs that are inevitable when a child walks in with carseat arm rest pads on her feet like slippers.

Of course, hearing the laughter coming from Handy Daddy and me, the Bug had to take a turn being goofy.

Man, after the week I had, I needed that.

If only she could have clicked the heels of those "slippers" together and gotten us home like Dorothy Gayle got herself back to Kansas.

That would have been money.