New husband, new book and fairy nonsense

A few weeks ago, the Bug woke up and the first thing she told me was, "Mama, I want to marry Kai."  I knew exactly who she was talking about because I had just chaperoned a field trip for her class, and there is a boy in her class named Kai.  And let's face it - there's not a whole lotta "Kai's" out there.

My first question was, "What about Lightning McQueen?"  You will recall her fondness for the cartoon racecar.

She said, "Princess Bug's gonna get married two times."  Hold up, Sistah'.  Mama ain't havin' THAT.  I told her Princess Bug could only get married once.  Case closed.

So apparently, Lightning McQueen is out of the picture now.  Go 'head, Sally, here's your chance.

Well, yesterday, the Bug authored her first book.  She dictated it to me, and I got it down word-for-word.

It's title?

Princess Bug & Kai Adventures

Catchy, right?

Well, I would give you a sneak peak, but since the entire book would constitute the length of the customary "sneak peak," I will indulge you with the entire manuscript.  You're welcome.

Page - 1 -

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Princess Bug.  There was a prince named Kai.  And they were heroes.  They had to stop mean old Joel with that dragon.

And they have power.

Princess Bug got a sword and a bow and some hand power.

And it was so much fun.

They had to stop everything.

Page - 2 -

Once there was a girl named Chloe who had a pointed side at the end of her bow and arrow.

It was very good have a power. 

And they were heroes.

Kai, Princess Bug and Chloe always saved the day.

Page - 3 -

They always have some powers - every day.

Princess Bug's helpers' names were SpiderMan and Batman.

Batman always get the fire off the clouds.

Spiderman takes the fire off the house.

Page - 4 -

Everything was very great things.

They done saved the day.

Page - 5 -

And they lived happily ever after...

THE END.

I tell you what...this child is makin' in hard on ole' Mama.  I'm not sure which talent I should be cultivating.  I mean, we've got dance, art, and now writing.  Pick a talent, Bug!  Just pick a talent! 

If our kids were fairies, it would be so much easier.  When they were born, they'd just fly by a bunch of tables with various objects representing talents and the appropriate talent would glow when they flew by it.  That's how it went down on the Tinkerbell movie, anyway.  I have no idea how it is for fairies in real life.  Maybe that's just Hollywood.  Maybe it's just as hard for them to pick a talent. 

Lord, grant me the Serenity

Last week was one of the most ridiculously difficult weeks I've had in a looooooonnnnng time.  My brain and body are so exhausted and tense -- I don't know what to do with myself.  So, basically, I'm just about to vomit all over this post.  Hopefully, all the tension will leave with it and I will be left with a little peace.

It all started about 6 months ago, when the toilets in our home backed up and water from an unknown source pooled onto the floors every time we had a hard rain.  This actually happened a couple of times.

Well, on Monday, I just so happened to be talking to my friend about this problem, and she told me her brother-in-law worked for the city, and maybe he could help me out with this.  I called him and he referred me to the city's wastewater superintendent, who I spoke to, and who was very helpful.  I was very encouraged, thinking I suddenly had friends in high places, but that was short-lived. 

It rained Monday night.

Toilets didn't want to flush and threatened to overflow, but worst of all, water all over the floor again from the stupid unknown source (hereinafter referred to as "US.")

As of Monday night, my hardwood floors are warped and buckled and I'm sick of mopping up water from US. 
 
Tuesday, I call the city and they come out and tell me I need the plumbers to come out.  Long story.  Anyway, the plumbers come out to unclog the toilets.  Apparently, they shoot an extremely powerful gush of water into the line (from the roof, of all places) to push everything through. 
 

You're not gonna believe what happened next.

 

No, water did not come out of US. 

 

What DID come out of US was stinky BLACK SEWAGE.  That's right, people. 

 

BLACK. SEWAGE. ON. MY. FLOOR.

 

How I did not have a nervous breakdown right then and there is proof enough that there is a God and He does show me mercy.

 

The plumber removed the black sewage from the floor with a shop vac and moseyed on out the door because his friend was waiting at his house with meat to bar-be-que. 

 

He's lucky I wasn't armed because I would've taken him out right then and there.

 

So Daddy Plumber (the one I wanted to take out was Son Plumber) came by on Wednesday with this other guy that runs cameras through the line to determine the problem.  Several problems were determined, but not the particular problem that would pinpoint the US.  Daddy Plumber said what I said didn't make sense and that it had to be coming from the washing machine drain. [SIGH]

 

On Thursday, they did a smoke test to try to figure out if there was in fact a crack somewhere under my slab that would allow water (and/or BLACK SEWAGE) to appear from an US.  You guessed it -- smoke poured out of the spot where I told Daddy Plumber that the BLACK SEWAGE was spurting out of on Tuesday.

 

On Friday morning, Daddy Plumber told me they'd have to break open the slab four feet on either side of the wall in my laundry room to find the broken pipe and replace it.  Also, they have to dig up my front yard and replace the sewer line so that there is no more backup.

 
On Friday evening, at 5:08 p.m. to be exact, the Bug says, "Mama, my ear hurts real bad."  I look at it, and it is bubbling full of pus.  5:08 p.m. on a Friday.  Perfect.  Thankfully, a pediatrician lives three houses down from me, and was so kind as to examine the Bug and give me a prescription. 
 
On Sunday afternoon, Tootsie was running fever.  Back down the street to the kindly neighbor doctor. 
 
Now, it's Monday again, and I have what promises to be weeks ahead of me that I really don't want to deal with.
 
Tomorrow I will have a jackhammer and water hoses in my house.  JACKHAMMER.IN.MY.HOUSE. 
 

m'kay....

 
We also have to replace the floors in about half of the house because of all this craziness.  I'm really looking forward to that.
 
Have you ever had one of those weeks?