Lord, grant me the Serenity

Last week was one of the most ridiculously difficult weeks I've had in a looooooonnnnng time.  My brain and body are so exhausted and tense -- I don't know what to do with myself.  So, basically, I'm just about to vomit all over this post.  Hopefully, all the tension will leave with it and I will be left with a little peace.

It all started about 6 months ago, when the toilets in our home backed up and water from an unknown source pooled onto the floors every time we had a hard rain.  This actually happened a couple of times.

Well, on Monday, I just so happened to be talking to my friend about this problem, and she told me her brother-in-law worked for the city, and maybe he could help me out with this.  I called him and he referred me to the city's wastewater superintendent, who I spoke to, and who was very helpful.  I was very encouraged, thinking I suddenly had friends in high places, but that was short-lived. 

It rained Monday night.

Toilets didn't want to flush and threatened to overflow, but worst of all, water all over the floor again from the stupid unknown source (hereinafter referred to as "US.")

As of Monday night, my hardwood floors are warped and buckled and I'm sick of mopping up water from US. 
 
Tuesday, I call the city and they come out and tell me I need the plumbers to come out.  Long story.  Anyway, the plumbers come out to unclog the toilets.  Apparently, they shoot an extremely powerful gush of water into the line (from the roof, of all places) to push everything through. 
 

You're not gonna believe what happened next.

 

No, water did not come out of US. 

 

What DID come out of US was stinky BLACK SEWAGE.  That's right, people. 

 

BLACK. SEWAGE. ON. MY. FLOOR.

 

How I did not have a nervous breakdown right then and there is proof enough that there is a God and He does show me mercy.

 

The plumber removed the black sewage from the floor with a shop vac and moseyed on out the door because his friend was waiting at his house with meat to bar-be-que. 

 

He's lucky I wasn't armed because I would've taken him out right then and there.

 

So Daddy Plumber (the one I wanted to take out was Son Plumber) came by on Wednesday with this other guy that runs cameras through the line to determine the problem.  Several problems were determined, but not the particular problem that would pinpoint the US.  Daddy Plumber said what I said didn't make sense and that it had to be coming from the washing machine drain. [SIGH]

 

On Thursday, they did a smoke test to try to figure out if there was in fact a crack somewhere under my slab that would allow water (and/or BLACK SEWAGE) to appear from an US.  You guessed it -- smoke poured out of the spot where I told Daddy Plumber that the BLACK SEWAGE was spurting out of on Tuesday.

 

On Friday morning, Daddy Plumber told me they'd have to break open the slab four feet on either side of the wall in my laundry room to find the broken pipe and replace it.  Also, they have to dig up my front yard and replace the sewer line so that there is no more backup.

 
On Friday evening, at 5:08 p.m. to be exact, the Bug says, "Mama, my ear hurts real bad."  I look at it, and it is bubbling full of pus.  5:08 p.m. on a Friday.  Perfect.  Thankfully, a pediatrician lives three houses down from me, and was so kind as to examine the Bug and give me a prescription. 
 
On Sunday afternoon, Tootsie was running fever.  Back down the street to the kindly neighbor doctor. 
 
Now, it's Monday again, and I have what promises to be weeks ahead of me that I really don't want to deal with.
 
Tomorrow I will have a jackhammer and water hoses in my house.  JACKHAMMER.IN.MY.HOUSE. 
 

m'kay....

 
We also have to replace the floors in about half of the house because of all this craziness.  I'm really looking forward to that.
 
Have you ever had one of those weeks?