A Time to Dance

So we had the big par-tay on Saturday. The Bug turned 4 last week and Tootsie will turn 1 next week. I worked myself into delirium to get everything ready. I actually started planning this thing like...in January. Yeah, I'm crazy like that. I am a birthday party plannin' FOOL!

The Bug decided she wanted a Veggie Tale party and we decked everything out in red and green. My sister painted a Bob, Larry and Junior thing-a-ma-giggy (for lack of a better word) with Junior's face cut out so that the girls could stick their little faces in and get their pictures made. We played Pin the Nose on Bob, Hot Tomato and Bob-Bob-Larry. The girls (and the mamas) had a good ole' time. My dad put formula in his coffee instead of sugar, and we got a good laugh at that. (He didn't find it funny at all.)

As I said, I love me some birthday party. But this year, it was different. I wasn't sure what it was, but the more I think of it, I keep coming back to this:

My girls are growing up. I'm getting all choked up RIGHT NOW as I type this. This is all going by way too fast. Everyone always tells you how fast it's going to go by. But you have no idea what this means until it has already gone by.

Each day, from the day I took the little Bug home, I've given my whole self to taking care of these girls. From the time I get up in the morning until the time they are tucked in bed at night, I'm theirs. Most days, I feel like I've been through war by the time they're in bed. I ain't gonna lie...those girls wear me out. And I spend most days watching the clock and waiting for nap time and bed time. The days are long.

But then, suddenly, The Bug is 4 years old. Wait a minute. What happened? Didn't we just have her third birthday a couple months ago?

Tootsie is turning one! She's walking! Whoa! Just a few weeks ago, Handy Daddy and I dropped the Bug off at a friend's house so that we could rush to the hospital to deliver Tootsie.

WHY IS THIS GOING BY SO FAST????!!!

I couldn't help feeling a little sad as I watched my babies blow out their candles this weekend. I mean, I know they have to grow up. The alternative is, well, not very desirable. But I'm not looking forward to the aching my arms will feel when my babies are all grown up and won't let me hold them anymore. How will I handle the dreaded "eye roll" that Better Homes and Gardens assures me will come? (As a sidenote, what business does Better Homes and Gardens have in writing an article about raising girls? They need to stick to decorating and landscaping and leave the parenting articles to...well....Parenting Magazine.)

This is the first year I've felt this way, so I can only assume it is due to the fact that I think Handy Daddy and I are done procreatin'. My head believes we are, but my heart refuses to give this confirmation. And who knows what God has in store for us? So I just stick to saying I think we're done. Which makes me sooooo sad.

Do I want to be pregnant again, deliver again, wake up all night for feedings again? No, no and no. But I want my babies. I love my babies. I want to keep my babies. And since I know that's not possible, I go in their bedroom at night, look at them...and cry.

Oh, how I will miss this time. But I know this is God's will. This is how it's supposed to go. They're really not mine, anyway. They're His, and He has let me borrow them for a season. And though I really don't want this season to end, I know it will.

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 says, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...a time to mourn and a time to dance..." I pray He helps me to not mourn the loss of my "baby season," because I don't want to miss the dance of each new season He gives me with these precious gifts.